These past few days have been extremely difficult for me, especially mentally. My mind has not rested ever since I discovered that i have feelings for someone very close to me and it got to a point whereby I could not control my thoughts anymore.
It is very difficult to fight something like a feeling or a thought because no matter how dismissive you are it just sits back and waits for another opportunity to strike again, which often leaves me in a bad mood or initiates the cycle of continuous uncontrolled thinking where I just become silent and just dwell in the thoughts.
I have been telling myself that the people in my life just do not understand but I realized that they actually do understand, they just do not know the depth and reality of what I am feeling or experiencing which is why I just cannot make sense of whatever they say to me.
Feeling and Emotions have been an area in my life where I often do not have full control over, and my way of avoiding chaos was to not express them unnecessarily.
we all have expectations which often cloud our ability to see or realize that just because you feel a particular way about someone, it does not mean they will or at least be compelled to feel that way about you too.
I guess sometimes we have to learn things the hard way, get hurt, spend sleepless nights, and even cry only to see later that people are only concerned when it is them going through or experiencing things and often expect you to sum up all your issues and deal with them as soon as possible so that they do not disturb their peace and joy.
if no one brings Solace into your life then it is your responsibility to see to it that you pull through, pain is a temporary sensation that one can overcome. I will just have to be a man of my own word and bring positive change in my world and regain control of my thoughts and mental peace.
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